Unfortunately, those comments roll in more often than you’d think on the dating scene. And as someone who dates both men and women, I have to say it’s something I’ve exclusively experienced with men.

The first time I encountered this was during the first sexual experience I’d had following the breakup of my most serious relationship to date.

Sleeping with someone after being in a long relationship is by nature, daunting. It can feel overwhelming and a little intimidating to let someone new see you in such an intimate light, which is why I was especially horrified when, post-sex, he said to me: ‘aww, your belly is so cute,’ in an icky, condescending tone, while poking the little layer of fat around my midriff.

Then there was the time I went on a Hinge date during a solo trip in New York and my suitor decided to berate me for eating ‘too much bread’ when I told him what I’d been up to on my first full day in the city (as a big foodie, this pretty much exclusively involved walking from bakery to bakery). ‘But I guess it’s ok,’ he added, ‘seeing as you’re an avid spin bike user.’ Yuck.

Speaking of unsolicited dietary commentary, one man I had been seeing for a couple of weeks also shared his ‘expert’ advice the morning after he stayed over for the first time, stating I shouldn’t have a fruit smoothie for breakfast because ‘it’s full of sugar,’ and isn’t a ‘good’ food choice.

The guy I was dating earlier this year also felt it was his place to ask me how much I weighed on one of our first encounters, under the guise of professional curiosity (he worked as a social media fitness coach). When I didn’t tell him, he guessed.

These may all seem like little things, but lumped together over time, and said to a woman who has in the past struggled with disordered eating and body acceptance, you can see why they got to me so much.

Unfortunately, I’m not the only one to experience this type of treatment during dates, either; women of all body types seem to be familiar with the unsolicited commentary. Kaytlyn Briegge, a body confidence content creator, explained that “men have had the audacity in the past to act like dating me was an act of kindness.”

“They would say things such as ‘I’ve never been with a big girl before,’” she continued. “Men thought because I was larger I was less worthy. They never thought someone that looked like me should think I was such a prize.”

So why do some men think it’s appropriate to offer these unsolicited comments or nuggets of offensive ‘advice’? Millennial dating coach Hayley Quinn has some ideas. 

“A small subsection of the insecure men in the world will subscribe to dating advice which encourages ‘negging,’” she begins. “This is essentially bringing a woman you’re attracted to down a peg or two in order to make her interested in you.”

Men Commenting On Body Weight  Eating Habits On Dates Why I've Had Enough

Maria Korneeva